About 8 weeks ago I visited my doctor and spoke to her about menopause and weight gain and her response was “what shape is your mother?”This got me thinking.
I have spent all my life trying not to be like my mother. My mom is just 20 years older than me and in her younger days was always very hip and trendy. All my friends wished their Mothers were more like mine. My mom wore short dresses and embraced slacks when they became all the rage in the late 60’s. Mom worked very hard for a florist before opening her own shop when I was 10 but knew how to live life too. Mom and Dad would go out dancing every Saturday night and on Friday night would come home with her hair in rollers, sleep like that and then have her hair done on the Saturday. I remember sitting at the window eagerly waiting for Mom to get home so that I could see what “do” she had and what color her hair would be. Each week her hair was tinted to match the dress she was wearing that night. When I was chosen to be part of an Afrikaans folk dancing group, one of thousands I might add, Mom took me to the hairdresser to have my hair quaffed into an enormous beehive that I am sure was taller than me at the time. The very young boy partnering me was too scared to do all the twirls in case my hair fell off. Mom obviously influenced my sense of occasion and I too like to dress up and am more often than not over dressed for the occasion.
I have always looked a lot like my mom and people would always say “she’s the splitting image of you but where does the red hair come from”
As a very
young girl I idolized my mom but as I went through those horrible awkward teenage years trying to find my own identity I started to resent the continual comparison. I remember one well meaning lady asking “Now which is the mother and which is the daughter?” I have a photo of my mom and dad taken about 25 years ago. In the early days of our relationship my now husband, who had never met my mom, once asked me if that was me in the photo. I replied that it was my mother to which he commented “thought it might be – her face is much thinner than yours!”
young girl I idolized my mom but as I went through those horrible awkward teenage years trying to find my own identity I started to resent the continual comparison. I remember one well meaning lady asking “Now which is the mother and which is the daughter?” I have a photo of my mom and dad taken about 25 years ago. In the early days of our relationship my now husband, who had never met my mom, once asked me if that was me in the photo. I replied that it was my mother to which he commented “thought it might be – her face is much thinner than yours!” So I have spent most of my adult life consciously trying very hard to fight the inevitable – my genes.
Over these past few weeks I have had a good hard look at myself and have realized that even with a great big ocean between us and not seeing each other for 13 years I am my mother’s daughter and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it but accept it and stop fighting. I am what I am because of my mother, not just in looks but mom has shaped my outlook on life and instilled in me values, morals and a great work ethic that have stood me in good stead thus far.
Now I am working hard at changing my mind set. This is who I am and who I will be for the rest of my life. I have embraced the things I cannot change and working hard to improve the things I can.
And there in is the beauty of contentment.
Finally it has all clicked and that huge chip on my shoulder has lifted. That is not to say that this going to be easy. I think it may be a long term work in progress but there are the benefits of being at peace with who you are and acceptance of yourself. I will never be Elle Mcpherson but
I am Jaki Crow and plan to be the very best version of myself that I can be - because of, and not in spite of, the influence of my Mom - good and bad.
As we head towards the end of 2011 and start to make our new years resolutions remember to be kind to yourself and accept the things you cannot change and maximize the potential in the things you can. Just be the very best version you can be of yourself! Wishing you and your families all a very Merry Christmas and make 2012 your year of contentment.
Bye for now!
